Tis the season to receive delightful Christmas letters from friends far and wide. Letters that eloquently describe their lives filled with fantastic vacations, children becoming doctors and new homes in gated communities. In the spirit of the “holiday letter,” we offer our own newsy communiqué…
We hope this letter finds you as happy and healthy as we are, grateful for so much as we enjoy the beauty of the season. Living the dream and wanting some help around the house, this year we were fortunate enough to secure the services of a personal monkey butler named, Mr. Jeeves.
While it took us a while to understand each other, things have worked out swimmingly. This summer, Mr. Jeeves was quite a help around the yard too. On warm summer days when Bob was busy clearing brush and cutting back blackberry bushes, Mr. Jeeves jockeyed on the front of the riding lawnmower, drinking PBR with his little aviator hat flapping in the breeze.
Mr. Jeeves’ domestic skills have improved dramatically. He learned how to set a beautiful table, pour the wine, and serve each course from left to right. Although he is terribly shy and won’t actually perform any of those duties when we have guests, retreating to the comfort of his bunk and cable shows when they arrive. Who doesn’t want to binge on Sister Wives from time to time?
This fall was a busy one with back-to-back events in Las Vegas. Imagine my surprise when I checked into the fancy casino hotel, opened my suitcase and out popped a stowaway, Mr. Jeeves! Dressed in an outfit that would have made Liberace jealous, he bolted for the door saying something about showgirls. A few days later, I was getting dressed for work as the sun was rising when I heard a knock at the door. Mr. Jeeves was back looking exhausted and a bit under the weather. He ambled in, pulled the blackout shades closed, put on his satin sleep mask and climbed into bed.
He was still there when I returned 14 hours later although the room service trays led me to believe he had been awake at some point. The little scalawag had run up quite a bill, but nothing compared to the mini-bar charges I saw upon checkout. Anyway, we will write that off to a well-deserved vacation for our favorite personal monkey butler.
Back in Netarts, Mr. Jeeves has been on his best behavior, now that Tillamook County has arranged to drop the charges for an earlier misunderstanding with several tourists. He has agreed to sign on for another year and we are thrilled.
From Our Home to Yours, Here’s to an Exciting 2016!